Say YES to life!

Last night when we were down at the point for the Regatta and the Smash Mouth concert (what's up, 1999?!), I casually said to my friend, Michelle, "Wouldn't it be cool to watch the concert from up on the ferris wheel?" I said this hypothetically, not for a second thinking we'd be moving from our spot in the crowd (not to mention our earlier conversation about how we all think it's a *little* weird how fast they put those carnival-style rides up). Without missing a beat she said, "That would be cool! Let's do it!" I think my response was something like, "uh, yeah, ok, really? Alright, sure, let's check it out!"

We ultimately ended up deciding against it after seeing the line, but this taught me an important lesson nonetheless. Why go through life robotically when we could be grabbing it by the horns? How many other times have I tossed out ideas off-hand without saying to myself, why NOT do that? How often do those trained patterns kick in that tell us that something is too hard, too inconvenient, or ask us why we should bother?

It is SO important to surround ourselves with the people who will challenge us to GO FOR IT when we have a small whim to do something fun or a big dream in our heart! I admire the people who QUESTION the things that others would just glaze over! We become like the people we surround ourselves with, so I don't know about you, but I will ALWAYS be surrounding myself with the people who SAY YES to life, who know how AMAZING of an experience and opportunity and gift it is, and who are going to APPRECIATE and LIVE UP every moment that life has to offer!!!

Thank you, Michelle, for always reminding me of this!! And to all of the other wonderful people in my life who do this too (if you're reading this, I'm talking to you!)- THANK YOU!! I love you all!

LIFE IS WONDERFUL! LET'S ENJOY IT!!!

Visit https://www.facebook.com/CoachKatelynLesk and http://beachbodycoach.com/katelynlesk for more info!

I would be honored to help you with your fitness journey :)  Here is a link to sign up for a free account with me as your coach: https://www.teambeachbody.com/signup/-/signup/free?referringRepId=183908. Or you can go to www.teambeachbody.com, sign up for a free account, and enter any of my info in when it asks if a coach referred you: screen name: KatelynLesk, coach ID: 183908

Disclaimer Copy: Katelyn Lesk is an Independent Beachbody Coach.

Getting IN THE FLOW!

This has been a BIG message for me lately and one that’s been coming up a lot with my coaches and clients.

I've learned over the past few years that there is a clear distinction for me between times when I feel "in the flow" and times when I don't. I've also learned that life *in the flow* is WAY better and fun and free. When I'm in the flow, I feel connected to my purpose and my higher self, I feel grateful that I get to serve, I feel energized and excited, and I feel like majority of my energy and intention is connected to a greater purpose.

The good news is that I've been able to identify the little shifts that can get me back in the flow at times when I'm not feeling it so much. When it comes to my health and energy, adding some extra greens and doing SOMETHING everyday to move my body is all it takes to start to get me back in the flow. When there is stress I'm dealing with, even 5 minutes a day of journaling my thoughts can help me shift. I detailed more of these tips during a huge phase of overwhelm during the holidays last year: http://katelynlesk.blogspot.com/2014/12/holiday-stress-and-overwhelm.html. When it comes to my Beachbody business, I know if I'm running challenge groups and helping people regularly in terms of dealing with any stress or struggles they may be facing and helping them make baby steps to get them back on the right track, I feel REALLY good no matter what else is going on in my business. In terms of my general life purpose, if I'm writing and creating content that feels like it may be helping even just one person out there, then that makes me happy. In terms of relationships, if I'm surrounding myself with people that lift me up and challenge me in expansive ways and raise my energy, we're good there. I make sure I have business and accountability partners for support to help keep me on track! For example, this summer I partnered up with my friend, Meredith, who is also in the wellness industry. We meet once a week for *inspire sessions* to help each other brainstorm for future goals. I am super grateful for her partnership and ideas and working relationship!

I also recently wrote about making peace with ourselves and the things we deal with regularly, including our exercise and work. It’s hard to be in the flow if we’re letting things like this overwhelm or frustrate us! Turning “should dos” into “get to dos” makes a big difference in getting back into the flow! I describe some easy shifts to do this here: http://katelynlesk.blogspot.com/2015/09/world-peace-day-make-peace-with.html.

It's been a BUSY couple of weeks but I have never felt better! It's one of those days where I'm truly feeling like the sky is the limit! And the ceiling at the Beehive is matching my attitude ;)

So I'm curious- how much attention do you pay to those times where you feel in the flow? Is it something you consciously have to pay attention to and work towards? What things set your soul on fire and make you feel most in the flow??

Gratitude for the tough stuff

There is always room for improvement, but I have to say I am proud of the point I’m at in my own growth. Instead of being impulsive and reactionary in tough situations, I can handle them with peace and grace. I mean this relatively because I am far from perfect in this regard, but I can FEEL my own progress. And that feels good :)

One practice that has helped me develop this and keep the big picture in mind when handling, processing, or reacting to any tough/sad/disappointing/frustrating situation is to be grateful for the tough stuff that comes along. It instantly pulls me out of fear and reminds me that these labels (“tough,” “sad,” “disappointing,” “frustrating,” “bad,” etc) are only the meaning I’m giving to it by thinking the situation *should* have unfolded in a different way. When I can pull myself out of the emotion of it and into observer mode through this gratitude practice, I am able to remember that EVERYTHING is happening for my greater good and expansion. If it’s happening, it’s because on a soul level, I needed it to happen.

While it is often initially difficult to utter the words, “Thank you for [insert difficult situation/person/outcome],” the resistance seems to fade almost immediately once the full thought is expressed and given a voice and it is replaced with a peace and awareness and understanding and calmness once the bigger picture is allowed to come into sight. I sometimes can even start to feel the tingly excitement of my energy and vibration raising as I do this. I urge you to give it a try too!!

Here is a video where I explain more. I also included some pictures below of the lake I was at when I recorded this. They instantly make me feel peaceful :)

Having gratitude for the tough stuff

Pictures from the lake- enjoy!

Stress, worry, dreams, and sleep

I get a lot of incredibly sweet comments and messages about how positive I am and my outlook on life, and while I absolutely appreciate those messages and do my best to see the brighter side of life and the best in other people, I also intend to be fully real with you guys when life gets tough in the hopes that if you can relate to this, that you don't feel alone and that you perhaps you may also be able to find comfort in what helps me.

Let me start by saying that I can be very laid back and light about most things, but I can also be very high-strung/high anxiety about other things. I can immediately tell when I'm stressed/anxious/down about anything that that starts coming out in 2 ways: 1. I worry more about things that don't normally bother me (finances, for example) and have a more lack-focused mentality than I normally do; and 2. my sleep is either very restless or I start having crazy, stressful nightmares or incredibly emotionally-draining dreams. The past week or so, my dreams have been absolutely insane to the point that I wonder how my brain even conjured up such horrible dreams/thoughts. Or like last night, I spent the whole night dreaming about horrible emotional situations to the point where I've had to spend a good chunk of my morning so far processing and dealing with the residual stress of it.

So for the first issue (lack mentality, other surface fears), my strategy is to go into what's bothering me (it also helps to remember that these fears and worries aren't REAL, it's just stress making itself heard in whatever way it can). If I just push it away, it keeps nagging me with either lack-based thoughts or just a chronic low-level anxiety and icky feeling. I need to sit down and journal to get to the root of what's bothering me. I KNOW we are busy people, but TRUST ME, it is worth the 5 minute time investment to deal with the problem so that you can move on with your day in a much more effective way (not to mention that YOU and your emotional health are WORTH IT)!! I created this method I call a "fear-crusher list" a long time ago for my beachbody customers and coaches. It's a technique that I use for everything and helps me a TON:

As for dreams and emotional stress, this excerpt from Teal Swan's, "The Sculptor in the Sky" ALWAYS makes me feel better. I've re-read it a couple times this morning already :)

So no matter what you are going through, whether that be big emotional tough stuff or just the day-to-day stress of life, remember that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Sending you all HUGE HUGS today!!

Love, Katelyn

Focus on the things that work out better than anticipated!!

On any given day, there are at least a million things I could worry about. I am by no means perfect at not living in fear, but I have gotten a lot better. I did a pretty good job of not worrying about my career future when I knew my job at my old company was in jeopardy. Instead, I threw myself full-force into coaching on the side and I honestly couldn’t have imagined a better outcome in the end. I was sad to see my engineering job go but I find my coaching job absolutely so fulfilling and rewarding and love that I get to help people every single day. That really was an experience that taught me to trust the process, especially since there was no way I could have planned for or foreseen how beautifully things would have worked out (3 years ago I never even knew about this coaching opportunity)!!

I had a similar experience today with something on so much of a smaller scale that it was laughable but it really is a lesson we can apply to all things. I had to make a phone call about an order I recently placed. I was dreading this call because I thought they mischarged me for something and I was anticipating having to argue and negotiate to get my way. I was frustrated that THEY had made a mistake and *I* would have to waste my precious time correcting it. But I said a little prayer asking the universe for assistance with working this out and made the call determined to be super kind to the person on the other end knowing that we both could work together on this. Well as it turns out, not only was *I* in the wrong about it (they had absolutely charged me correctly), but they ended up waiving a shipping fee just to be extra courteous and I was super grateful! So not only was it faster and easier than I thought, it also had a way better outcome than I could have even anticipated!

I’ve learned over my past 30 years that most of the things we worry about never end up coming to fruition. Often things turn out even better or easier than expected. And occasionally, not-so-good things, some that we never saw coming end up happening, and we deal with those when the time comes. Fear can consume us if we let it. It helps me to remember that the universe has my back and is supporting me step by step. It helps to remember we always have help and support from those who care about us (especially if we’re not afraid to ask)! It helps remembering that some of these perceived “bad things” are some of our greatest learning tools of all. It helps to trust the process and do my best to live fearlessly knowing that things are always working for our greatest good. And of course it helps a TON remembering things like this that worked out better than I could have even foreseen! *FOCUS ON THE THINGS THAT WORK OUT BETTER THAN ANTICIPATED!!!* and **JUST TRUST** Easier said than done, I know, but we can all work on it :)

Thanks for the support through the good times and the not-so-good!

I have been super stressed, overwhelmed, and emotionally tapped-out lately. I apologize to anyone I've taken longer than normal to respond to. But I'm also going to take this opportunity to say thank you for the supportive, wonderful people you are! I am far from perfect and appreciate you all for loving and accepting me just as I am- flaws, fears, insecurities, failures, and all. Well, I never really believe in failure. I believe we're all doing the best we can. Sometimes that means we come up short. But in those short-comings, in those weak moments of vulnerability, in those moments of revealing our true selves, the good and the bad, I believe that is where we all find connection and the ONEness that unites us all.

I am grateful for the people who pick me up when I'm not at my best. For friends who will tell me the truth of their opinions. For friends who always have my best interest at heart. For friends who will get me outside in nature when I need to de-stress. For friends who will stay up late just to be there for me. For friends who will do a meditative, healing, prayer ceremony with me to help me reconnect to my truth and my higher self. For friends who will give me a kick-ass workout and sweat session to release some anxiety. For friends who will hug me and tell me everything is going to be ok. For friends who will help me decipher what my priorities are and help me give myself permission to table what once seemed important but is maybe not my top priority currently. For friends who will have 5am FB philosophy conversations about life when we can't sleep. For friends who are there for me no matter what.
***So I think that covers all of you haha. So if you're reading this, thank you for loving and understanding me and having my back through all the ups and downs of life. I appreciate YOU!***

And one last thing. Throughout the last few days, I've gotten news of several friends and family members who are dealing with some major tough stuff. Everything from scary health diagnoses to watching a precious loved one fight for their life to news of a special little one getting some wings before ever seeing the light of this world. My prayers and love go out to all of these strong souls and I hope you know that I am always there for you the way you have been there for me.

Much love to all of you,
Katelyn

By far the scariest post I have ever written

Today I wrote a Facebook post about something that was INCREDIBLY hard for me to share. I was absolutely overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support in response. I never in a million years imagined myself sharing this (especially on this level) but a lot of what I have learned over the last couple years has really taught me to be open and to be as ME as I can be. I've also been blessed to have even more super authentic and caring people come into my life who have inspired me with their openness.  I wanted to pass that favor along :) The final push came from an interview I watched with Teal Swan ("A candid conversation with Teal Swan" with Stephanie Fleitas). She gave me the following reminders (loosely quoted from my notes from the video): there's absolutely no such thing as a secret in this universe; if you are trying to maintain a secret, you are wasting valuable energy; putting your secrets out there gives others permission to do the same; there is a huge freedom in that and it also ironically makes you feel safer; when you’re very open, people are tender with what you give them; the person who can be themselves the most when they walk into a room, that’s the person that holds the most energy. She also gave some empowering examples of how she has made it her own mission to put her story and what would normally be kept hidden out there as much as possible.

Other messages I’ve been receiving lately have been all about facing fears. While this is a message I’ve heard my whole life, this was in the context of how it applies to emotion. If we’re afraid of feeling a certain way (sadness, pain, discomfort, etc), often the best thing to do is just allow ourselves to feel that way and then realize it’s not as bad as we imagined or that at least we have nothing to fear now. That was very true for me. The fear of people finding out about my disorder was way worse than the disorder itself. No better way to shoot that down then to just face the worst, put it out there, and now have nothing to fear! If we desire freedom, the fastest way to get it is to walk right into the eye of the storm!!

I hope my story helps you deal with any of your own fears you may be trying to face!

Here is the post that I wrote:

*By far the scariest post I have ever written*

But written with a lot of love in the hopes that we can inspire a radical revolution of openness, authenticity, acceptance, and compassion.

I believe that we are moving towards a world where we can one day share all of the deepest darkest sides of ourselves and feel completely loved and accepted for it.

In my 2.5 years of being a coach, I’ve had the honor and pleasure of working with some of the strongest, most loving, compassionate, open people I know, both customers and coaches, and also others that I have formed even deeper relationships with just because my work naturally allows me the privilege of deep and authentic conversations with a lot of different people. What I’ve come to realize is that despite what our lives may look like on the outside, we ALL have our struggles within; something about ourselves we’re embarrassed about or ashamed of, a secret from our past, a bad childhood that we try to keep hidden, something that we are self-conscious of, anxieties, fears, sadness, you name it. Feeling like there is a part of ourselves that we need to keep hidden is the source of a lot of pain and problems in this world. All along we go about our lives not realizing that it may be possible that we can be loved unconditionally for WHO WE ARE, not what affects us. My problems may look drastically different than yours on the surface but can we not all relate on the common ground of feeling ashamed, not worthy, or not enough with something in our lives?

I take my role as a coach very seriously. I believe that I cannot inspire others to do what I am not doing myself. I believe that change starts with me and my example. I believe this is true for all of us but I also realize how “out there” my life is in the social media world because of my job as a coach and I REFUSE to ever let anyone feel like I don’t go through the same struggles as everyone else. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I value my life and all of the people in it. There is so much about my life that I love and appreciate. But just like anyone else, there is pain in my past and fear in my present. **Working towards a better future means building compassion and love NOW** at the heart of all that we do.

Two things that I believe at the CORE of my being:

1. OUR STRENGTH LIES IN OUR VULNERABILITY

2. CONNECTION LIES IN AUTHENTICITY

So here is another step along my path of being as open and honest as I can with all of you in the hopes that anyone reading this may in some way feel like they are not alone. I also do it for my own liberation. I truly believe that which we keep hidden destroys us; that which we bring to light saves us. I believe that in freeing ourselves, we are freeing the world.

What I would like to share with all of you is that I have a disorder that causes me to compulsively pull out my eyelashes and eyebrows. I’ve struggled with this since middle school and it has been a MASSIVE source of shame, guilt, and fear/paranoia in my life. You may be thinking this sounds really weird, or you may be struggling to understand why this is a big deal. This post is not about my specific issue, per say, but more about the *emotions* associated with it so that it can be relatable to whatever struggle you may be going through.

It took me a long time to understand this disorder myself and it is still something I don’t like about myself and is hard for me to accept. I am grateful for it for all of the compassion it has given me for anyone struggling through their own issues. Most people don’t realize I can relate as well as I can until I tell them this story. It was always something I was terrified of people noticing. The panic that rises internally if I think someone is looking at me in a way that is even close to noticing is indescribable. The source of a lot of my fears is that it’s not something that’s easy for me to explain so it’s not that I fear so much that people know (although I used to fear that; it took me a lot of years to stop caring about that part), but it is SUCH a hard thing for me to explain. They don’t just fall out, this is something that I do to myself. And it’s nearly impossible to explain to someone why it’s something I can’t “just stop”. This disorder used to be in the same category as OCD but I believe more recent research about the areas of the brain that this stems from have turned it into an “impulse-control disorder” classification similar to Tourettes. I’ve been to therapy for it. Sometimes that seems to help, sometimes not. I think it’s hard for people to understand that this isn’t just some “bad habit” like biting your nails, but an actual brain issue that I can’t help. Trust me, if I could “just stop”- I would! One of the big sources of shame that stems from it for me is that there are times when it seems to be easier to control than others. That sounds like a good thing, but in actuality, during the times when it’s impossible to control (because there are times when you literally canNOT control it), it makes me feel weak and like a failure and guilty. And on top of that, I then have physical damage and signs of my “weakness” that can last for months. It makes all social interactions harder because I have that underlying fear of “what if somebody notices”. I have become an expert at hiding it with makeup but I resent the fact that it takes about 4 times as long to do my makeup when I’m trying to cover this up. Travel and sleeping in the same room as somebody else makes it more likely that they will notice and therefore more difficult. There is always a sense of fear leading up to any trip related to this.

There have been times where people have noticed and asked me about it. Some of these interactions, especially in my younger years, still make me shudder to remember the conversations. I remember being in a group one time when I was young where the girls I was talking to were trying to force the issue. I remember being so red and flustered. I remember the raised eyebrows and the looks on their faces that communicated to me that they were super weirded out by what I was telling them. I don’t blame them; I may have reacted the same way if someone had told me something I couldn’t relate to or understand. In my adult life, the reactions I get from people who have noticed and asked me about it are typically really understanding, reassuring, and supportive. But honestly, even with the people who I know will love me unconditionally, there is this internal panic that rises up the instant it gets brought up. This is not saying that I don’t invite dialogue about it. I would much rather someone ask me questions and give me the opportunity to explain why I can’t help it rather than just silently thinking I’m weird or the whole thing is bizarre (honestly, I wouldn’t blame them- I think that too)! Once it’s out in the open, I’m usually ok. It’s just that initial conversation that terrifies me so I literally never bring it up. A lot of my closest friends and family don’t even know. My worst fear is being called out in front of a group. Not only is there the initial panic, but then the quick decision of, do I make up a lie or do I divulge my deepest darkest secret, the thing that I’m most scared/self-conscious about, to people I may not even know that well? With the people I am close with, it’s not that I care that they know, but how do I bring up something like this to people who have known me for years and have never known? That thought is SO uncomfortable to me.

I’ve gotten better at telling my story in more recent years, mainly because through coaching, I’ve had a lot of people that come to me and are very open about their own struggles such as eating disorders, compulsive overeating, OCD, anxiety, etc. It is easy for me to share when I know that my story will not only benefit them, but they will also understand. I even had an amazing conversation with a friend recently where we could totally relate to each other because my fears about this were very similar to how he feels when he feels like he’s being judged or “under the microscope” because of his sexual orientation. Not only was the conversation very insightful in so many ways but it was also reinforcement of how SO many people can relate, if not on the issue, but on the FEELINGS associated and it was added inspiration for me to want to share with all of you.

I’ve only shared this story from behind the safety of a computer screen and I have yet to be able to share this story in person openly without wanting to curl up into my 12-year-old panic-ridden self. I have often said that I wish people just knew so that I wouldn’t have to be afraid any more. And there is still enough ingrained fear in me associated with this to wonder if people will no longer view me as just katelyn, but as katelyn-with-this-new-stigma-attached. But this is me taking a stand against my fears. **When we face our worst fears, it can no longer damage us internally, control us, or have power over us.**

I do not at all want anyone to feel sorry for me. I want to bring light to the fact that we all have something that we feel makes us different or judged. I want us all to be able to openly explore life in all of its weirdness and glory!!!

No matter what you are going through, I hope you feel like you are not alone. At least one person in the world (and probably way more than we realize or allow ourselves to believe) understands and accepts and loves you just the way you are.

Thank you for reading and I hope this benefited you in some way.

My wish for us all:

May we all learn to be more of ourselves.

May we all learn to love and accept ALL of ourselves.

May we learn to allow and accept all of the the “wanted” and “unwanted” aspects of ourselves and our lives and mold it into a perfect creation of our destiny. May we be at peace with the world by seeing all things as a gift.

May we feel safe and supported, loved and connected.

May we feel open to be our true, authentic selves.

May we give permission for others to do the same through our own openness and compassion and acceptance towards all.

May we live our lives in our own truth.

May we live fearlessly!

I love you all.

Katelyn

Disclaimer Copy: Katelyn Lesk is an Independent Beachbody Coach.

My theme for 2015, How I want to FEEL

I started this practice back in November of 2014 and I've already been seeing the wonderful effects of this. I wrote out a statement about how I want to FEEL (I actually wrote a few versions of this). I have it in the front of my binder and I read it regularly. It immediately makes me feel reassured and at ease. The first paragraph on this page is one of the versions:

When I originally wrote this statement, I had trouble saying "I *am* someone who trusts the universe completely." I know affirmations are "supposed" to be written in the present tense but if something doesn't resonate as truth to me, I scrap it and rephrase it to be something more believable. But the interesting part is, the more I read this, the more I really feel like I AM someone who trusts the universe completely and doesn't get hung up on disappointments, and smiles knowing they are all part of the plan. If I can see these kind of changes in 2 months of this practice, I can only imagine what an entire year can do!

I made a video explaining more about this process with examples of other things I wrote. There are 2 parts (my memory card maxed out during the first one). I hope these are helpful! Here's to 2015 being an incredible year full of things more amazing than we ever could have conceived of!!! 

Part 1:

Part 2:

Happy 2015!!

Love,

Katelyn

Hope for anyone going through a rough time

*This post is for anyone who has ever dealt with any kind of anxiety, depression, or general feeling of feeling down or lost or not like themselves. Sorry it turned into such a long one but I didn’t want to leave out any details that may help someone who needed to hear that specific thing. I hope the story I am about to share with you helps!

*********************************

Hi everyone! I wanted to fill you in on some things that have played an important role in my life over the past couple of years in shaping the person I am today. I know a lot of you probably know a lot of the pieces of this story but I didn’t realize until I was in Gatlinburg, TN a few weeks ago sharing my story at our coach retreat that probably not many people know the full story and how it’s all kind of come full circle and I wanted to share it for anyone who can possibly relate and maybe give some hope to anyone who is struggling or going through a tough time in their life.

So as many of you know, I was VERY stressed back in 2011/2012 when I was doing a lot of traveling for work but you may not know how down it had me and I may not have let on how deeply it affected me. I generally live my life as an open book (as many of my beachbody customers and coaches know, I am NOT afraid to share when I am struggling, when I’ve missed workouts, when I’m behind on my business and messages- like right now- or when I’m just plain in a little bit of a funk). But in this situation, it was a little different. It was very tough for me to talk about without getting very emotional and quite frankly, I often times didn’t WANT to think about it more often than I already was. And it’s not like anything terrible was actually happening to me so I think there was a self-imposed guilt factor in terms of complaining about an opportunity that most people would be grateful for. Plus my anxiety was so bad at times that I wasn’t necessarily thinking rationally about the support I know I could have had all along if I had been more open about how stressed I was.

On the surface, I felt like I had a dream job. I always always loved working for my company (I was an engineer was a medical device start-up company). I loved my coworkers, I loved and believed so strongly in our product, and I was excited that my role within the company changed frequently enough to give me a lot of experience in a lot of different areas. So when my boss asked me if I’d be willing to take a role traveling internationally to Germany, Austria, and a few other places in Europe to help with our clinical trials, surgeon training, and product launch, I jumped at the opportunity. I was also told in this role that I may even be moving to Germany temporarily (6 months to a year) if the need arose. They knew I loved to travel (I was infamous at my company for always paying to extend my trips during conferences to take advantage of the sightseeing) so everyone, including me, thought this would be a great fit for me.

It only took me a few trips to realize that this was not at all what I had expected. The stress of navigating foreign countries alone; figuring out language barriers, train systems, and driving rules; and having limited to no contact with my family and friends at home (limited internet, expensive phone charges, and even the time difference made it all hard to feel connected or supported) made it stressful as-is. But there were so many ways I felt like I was being pulled out of who I was as a person and my normal personality, like having to deal with sleazy sales guys essentially trying to throw me at the surgeons for their own business benefit was awful. Can I handle myself in situations like that? Yes, absolutely. I learned very quickly the importance of setting clear boundaries even in situations where a normal person would assume they should not be necessary (thank you Michael Nilo- I will never forget our convo about this and the advice you gave me). I also learned how to be very authoritative when a distributor we were working with over there continued to make it very difficult to get our job done because of his own ego and need to appear one way in front of the surgeons and another way behind the scenes.

Long story short, this all made me feel completely out of my element. I need MEANING and CONNECTION and AUTHENTICITY and the whole world of this job felt so fake and icky and disconnected and unawakened.

The more I did this, the more I fell into a deeper depressive state. I was constantly having to be away from my friends and family. And for what? To be in this world where I didn’t feel good at all? Even when I was at home, I could never really enjoy it because I was always either trying to gain a grip after the last trip or prepping for the next one. I felt lost and I definitely did NOT feel like myself. Every morning when I would brush my teeth, I almost always cried when I looked in the mirror. I didn’t recognize myself. I didn’t recognize the hollow, blank look in my eyes. I didn’t recognize the stress I was carrying in my forehead lines. I didn’t recognize the lost, empty look of a face void of a smile for months. I could see pain written into every feature on my face.

It was hard for me to want to be around friends and family because I just felt sad all of the time. Even when the traveling finally started to dissipate, the anxieties I had picked up during that time lingered on. I all of a sudden had weird social anxieties that had developed somewhere along the way- for example, if I was going to go out with friends, I had to have a way to leave whenever I wanted in case I started to feel sad. I ended up telling a lot of my friends this and I was SO GRATEFUL for all of their support during this time. But it was still hard. I didn’t enjoy a lot of the things I used to (which made me feel worse because it made me feel like something was WRONG with me). I still to this day carry on a lot of the control factors I developed while traveling- I ALWAYS need to be the one to book my flight, to pick the location/duration of layovers, I never check a bag (one less thing I have to rely on someone else for). Don’t get me wrong, a lot of these travel habits serve me well but at the time when they formed, it wasn’t just for travel efficiency- it was for a desperate sense of control in a life where I felt like I had none.

The crazy part is, there was SO MUCH GOOD that came out of this. It was what led me into so many of the personal development books and spiritual development that have made me a happier and more positive person than ever (eventually). It was during this time that I read “Conversations with God” by Neale Donald Walsh, Wayne Dyer’s “Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life” (Hay House is now one of my favorite publishing companies, which has led me to majority of my favorite authors), a simple but extremely uplifting book called “The Energy Bus” by Jon Gordon, “New Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz, and was led to a website called High Existence by my always enlightening friend, Diego Andrade, which opened up a pandora’s box for other self-help and self-empowerment internet resources. This new awareness finally started to break me of my automatic negative thought cycles and gave me a new focus and goals and purpose. I became mildly obsessed with doing my best to improve my thought pattern.

I also had spent a TON of time while in the midst of this depression thinking about what I would want to do if the stress became too much and I had to quit my job. I made a TON of lists about what had made me the happiest in life, what I felt most passionate about, times in my life when I felt the most satisfied and effective, etc. I thought about starting my own charity (only thing that stopped me was that I didn’t have a specific cause that I could focus on). I started volunteering a lot. I LOVED my time spent tutoring and helping with the family program at Light of LIfe. And this all eventually led me to discover the Beachbody coaching opportunity, which was absolutely PERFECT for me. Looking back, it incorporated every single one of the things that I had written down on my lists and completely nailed all of the things that made me happiest (helping people, health and fitness, showing people their self-worth, helping people work through their own fears and blocks). AND, I could do it while traveling if need be since it was all online (there wasn’t much else I could commit to at that time because I never knew when I’d have to go away again). AND, if I had been upset that day and maybe it was a day where I had been crying or wouldn’t have wanted to venture out into public, it didn’t stop me from going on facebook (nobody can see a puffy face through a computer screen!) and doing my best to help the people I was working with or create even more meaningful relationships with them.

The coaching was actually the first thing that started to bring me out of my year and a half long depression. I finally started to feel like ME again. I felt good. I felt like I was making a difference. Additionally, I felt a sense of CONNECTION again. A connection to the people I was helping, a connection to my true self again, a connection to the universe and all the people and wonderful things in it, a connection to a higher power.

Fast forward to our Fit Family Network Coach Retreat a few weeks ago in Gatlinburg, TN. I was sitting with 50 of the most amazing, open, caring, accepting, supportive, encouraging, positive, incredible people I have ever met. Talk about feeling CONNECTED!! :) :)  I was sitting on a panel with fellow my fellow 1-star diamond coaches, Kelly Grignon, Sarah Roberson, and Sandy Tocci. Scottie Hobbs asked me a question about why I do what I do. He said I’m smiling all the time, bubbly- what makes me so happy about what I do? I told the story that I wrote about above of a time and place when I wasn’t so happy and how it got me to where I am today. Deciding to become a Beachbody coach has honestly been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’ve grown so much as a person and it has increased my spiritual expansion, self-belief, and belief that all things are working out for the best and for our greatest good beyond anything that I could have ever dreamed of. It sounds cliche’ when I say it, but the last 2.5 years of coaching have truly been life-changing.

An interesting thing happened when I got home from the retreat though. I realized that with all of the AMAZING stuff in my life (I am seriously BURSTING with happiness everyday), I remembered that I still have my emergency stash of Klonopin (anti-anxiety meds) in my purse. Even though I’ve probably only taken about 5 in the entire 2 years this all was going on, I’ve still kept them as a security blanket just in case I were to have some kind of awful panic attack. I realized that it’s finally time to let them go. I don’t need my security blanket anymore. I have a TON of people supporting me. I have never felt more connected and supported in my entire life. Not gonna lie, I did feel some mild resistance when I pulled them out of my purse but that’s just old habits and old brain patterns kicking in. There is no better drug than the love and support of my friends, family, fellow coaches, my beachbody customers, and all of the wonderful people in my life.

I wish I could tag all of my wonderful friends and family who have supported me through all of this; who have always supported me and who continue to support me with everything I do. You are all amazing. I feel SO LUCKY to have so many wonderful people in my life and I definitely would not be the person I am without your influence and support in my life. Not to mention, through all of this struggle, I have found within me the ability to feel connected no matter what, even when I am by myself. As Wayne Dyer would say, “you can never be lonely if you like the person you’re with when you’re alone!” And I do :)  My tool chest for feeling connected has grown exponentially: from Hay House conferences, to walks by the river, to a chat with Nikki, to a yoga class with Chelsea, to a call with my amazing life coach, to convos with my challengers, to laughing and joking with friends, to quality time with my family and playing with my sister’s puppy, to an incredible coach retreat in the beautiful smoky mountains with our fit fam, to dancing in my room by myself, I can ALWAYS get connected any time I choose to be. I’m pretty sure that is one of the greatest skills and lessons I could learn in life.

For anyone who can relate to this story in any way, please please PLEASE don’t hesitate to reach out to me for love and support. Now, more than ever, I believe that ANYTHING can be worked through with love and support. Sending love to all of you, always.

Love,

Katelyn

Disclaimer Copy: Katelyn Lesk is an Independent Beachbody Coach.