Why it’s so important to me to make sure nobody ever feels alone in this life: Part 1

It has always been extremely important to me for others to not feel alone in whatever struggle they are going through in life. I find deep connection in the vulnerability that comes with sharing struggles with each other. I have become even more conscious of that in the past 4 or so years, both in struggles that I’ve had personally and experiencing first-hand the incredibly impactful and supportive effects of having someone reach out a hand to me and show me that I’m not alone and in having others come to me as a coach (I’ve been an online health and fitness coach for the past 3.5 years) and confide in me about what they are going through- I can’t even begin to describe the amazing feeling I get when I can share something with them I’ve struggled with and we BOTH shift into a better place knowing we are more similar than we realized. I am also very cognizant of the role that social media plays in this platform. I take my job as a coach very seriously and it is important to me to do my best to not just share my triumphs but my struggles too.

Because I struggle too.

When it comes to my coaching, I try to show my clients that I rely as much on them as they do on me! My workout routine isn’t always perfect. I fall off the wagon. My healthy eating sometimes gets side-lined by trying to balance social activities that include frequent meals at restaurants. It has taken me years to realize that there may not be such a thing as “finding a balance” but rather I can be ok with accepting the ebbs and flows and doing my best to course-correct as I go. Life gets in the way of this all the time for me. And that’s OK.

I struggle in relationships. It’s the area of my life where I have the most trouble believing that what I desire is possible. I have baggage in the form of limiting beliefs based on past experiences. I have a fear of being left. On the one hand, I am at a point in my life to have the confidence to know that I am fine either way. I love my life on my own. I’ll be good no matter what happens. But when I care about someone, I care very deeply and with that comes the worry of it somehow being pulled away. I have a natural resistance to that feeling of disconnecting from someone else’s energy. I care about all people. I have compassion for whatever someone is going through that is driving their behaviors and their goals/priorities in life. I know that doesn’t always align between two people and that is ok. I can have love for a person even if a relationship doesn’t continue and I know I’ll be ok on the other side. But my heart naturally still wants to show that person I love and that pull-away can be very challenging for me.

I struggle with anxiety. I have anxiety over traveling, over being overwhelmed, over being out of routine and my good “flow”, and sometimes I have anxiety for no real reason at all. It often manifests physically in a disorder that I struggle with (http://katelynlesk.blogspot.com/2015/02/by-far-scariest-post-i-have-ever-written.html). I often have vivid, stressful dreams and I get frustrated waking up feeling like I’m already behind in dealing with the day. I worry about little things that don’t seem to bother most people- typically those things revolve around the worry of not feeling well if I’m on a trip or out somewhere. It’s not a big worry, just a nuisance that I resist. I have digestive problems and I know my stress plays off of that and vice versa. It’s a cycle that I struggle to control and release and surrender. My default is to try to control and I’m still learning to trust in the surrender. I’m getting better. I’ve learned to become friends with my anxiety. I like what it teaches me. I’m proud of the coping mechanisms I’ve learned because of having to deal with it.

When I am in the grip of any of these things, it is hard to stay grounded and at peace. What helps me is the knowledge that I KNOW when coming into this life if God would have asked me, “Do you want the easy way or do you want the hard way that is going to grow your soul more than you ever thought possible?” I know I would have responded with, “Bring on the hard way!!” I would rather be pulled through the fire than go through the motions of life asleep. Any time in my past where I’ve really struggled with anxiety, heartbreak, or finding purpose in life have also been the times that I have grown the most. Struggle challenges me to increase my faith and spiritual connection. I love how I can share what I’ve learned with others, especially the people I coach who are so WILLING to be open with me and share what they are going through. I admire people SO MUCH who are willing to be open and willing to grow. We are all in this together. It is a learning and growth experience for all of us. Every single person on this planet has immense value to offer but we have to be WILLING to let our walls down, to share our truth, to be vulnerable, and to trust. THAT is how we discover the oneness- step by step, each moment of vulnerability, seeing that we are more alike than different.

In part 2 of this post (http://katelynlesk.blogspot.com/2016/05/why-its-so-important-to-me-to-make-sure_3.html) I will be sharing some of the lessons I’ve learned from the people who were willing to reach out a hand when I was struggling and show me that I was not alone. I am eternally grateful for their support and I want to pass their lessons along.

And my biggest message of this is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Whatever it is you are going through, I am here, walking beside you, and rooting you on in this beautiful, crazy, painful, incredible, challenging, enlightening journey of life. Together we can remember that it is ALL for our greatest good (what we label the good and the bad). Though the growth and expansion can feel hard, we can make it ok TOGETHER. Our challenges may look vastly different on the surface but the EMOTIONS are the same. We are all seeking love and understanding. We all struggle at times to feel good enough or to believe that things are ever going to work out. Struggle is struggle. It is all relative. There is no need to downplay the tough emotions that come from even what we consider small situations in life. You never know what is going to feel hard until you’re in it.

So please know that I am virtually sending you all love, lots of big hugs, and stretching out a hand for you to hold in your hardest times. Love and compassion are what it’s all about. You are not alone. And you will never be alone.

I post frequently about my struggles here on my blog as well as my youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/kate37721 (specifically under “positivity project, tips for personal growth”). I also have more info about what has helped me along the way in my fear-releasing workshop, which can be found here on my blog http://katelynlesk.blogspot.com/2015/11/fear-releasing-workshop-and-lantern.html or on my youtube under the “workshops” section. Feel free to connect with me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoachKatelynLesk!

I would be honored to help you with your fitness journey :)  Here is a link to sign up for a free account with me as your coach: https://www.teambeachbody.com/signup/-/signup/free?referringRepId=183908. Or you can go to www.teambeachbody.com, sign up for a free account, and enter any of my info in when it asks if a coach referred you: screen name: KatelynLesk, coach ID: 183908

Disclaimer Copy: Katelyn Lesk is an Independent Beachbody Coach.

Baby Steps: Releasing the Pressure

I ran into a childhood friend tonight at an art crawl (very chance meeting given that we don’t even currently live in the same city!) and after some light-hearted catch-up, I ended up in a side conversation with his husband, Paul. What I love about Paul is that he’s not afraid to dive into the deep stuff. Neither am I. We both value authenticity and the deeper connection that comes from being fearlessly vulnerable, even a few minutes into a conversation.

After some talk about my work as an online health and fitness coach, we got into some discussion about psychology, self-love, motivation, and the necessity of loving process of getting to a goal, whether that be losing weight or climbing the corporate ladder. In my work as a coach, I am a very big believer in baby steps. I will always favor long-term, sustainable lifestyle changes over anything extreme, controlling, or pressured. I believe we have to love ourselves at all stages of the process in order to reach our goals (especially if we want to stay there and potentially go beyond it). I don’t believe we can ever self-hate our way to a goal and actually be happy at the destination.

My personal strategies for creating this in my own health journey have been an evolving practice of gratitude for my body. I remind myself regularly that my body is my biggest cheerleader. Despite how active or not active I choose to be or how healthy or not-so-healthy my food is, it keeps my heart beating, my eyes blinking, my nervous system firing, and my fingers moving as I type this. Reminding myself of what my body actually does for me on a physiological level makes me WANT to take care of it. Before exercising (or more specifically, when I’m trying to work up the motivation TO workout), I remind myself of the things my body can do that people who suffer from physical disabilities cannot. There are people who WISH they had the capability to lift their arm up when their brain says to do so. During exercise, I focus on appreciating the feel of my muscles lengthening, my lungs expanding, or the pounding of my heart in my chest after an intense cardio move. It can be euphoric to feel connected to my body in that way. When it comes to nutrition, rather than spending all my emotional energy on limiting myself, I try to focus on what I can do to increase my intake of nourishing, alive foods. The feelings of restriction and guilt are replaced by freedom and vitality when I focus on putting the right stuff in rather than keeping the wrong stuff out.

It has taken years, but these baby steps and perspective shifts have added up. I still get off track but I know I am capable of getting back on track. I focus on reducing the frequency and duration of the time off track rather than beating myself up for not being perfect all the time. I give myself permission to ease back on track. And I can truly say now that I love the process of taking care of my body. To me, taking care of myself also includes my emotions so it’s important to me to be gentle with myself in the process.

Interestingly enough, I was able to apply these concepts tonight, even with this very post. Towards the end of our conversation, the ever-supportive Paul suggested I apply for an op-ed in the Huffington Post. My heart soared with his vote of confidence and I trust and believe his opinion that, “this message needs to be heard.” Whether it’s me writing it or someone else, I absolutely agree. We need more people in the world giving us permission to take the baby steps we need to get to where we’re going. In a world where high stress is valued as some form of success validation, there are nowhere near enough reminders to slow down, love the journey, and love where you’re at right at this very moment.

When I got home tonight, I sat down to write. I succeeded at applying the first part of my philosophy; I allowed myself to just be where I was at. I didn’t sit down with the intention to write an op-ed application to the Huffington Post; I sat down to write a blog post to whoever might need to read this message about baby steps. I reminded myself that it didn’t need to be perfect, I just needed to start somewhere; there was no downside to just writing what was on my heart. The problem was, there was a part of me still putting pressure on this. How many times do we tell ourselves this is our one chance to “get it right”?? I was having trouble connecting to my creativity or what was even on my heart because I was getting too caught up in perfect wording. I was trying to be something I’m not. Fortunately, Paul’s reminder that this message needs to be heard really stuck with me. I reminded myself that it’s about the MESSAGE, not about the perfect wording. I reminded myself that part of what was on my heart that I needed to speak about WAS the pressure we regularly put on ourselves without even realizing what we’re doing. Baby steps are about releasing the pressure to be perfect. They are about giving ourselves permission to meet ourselves where we are and do what we can right here in the moment. Tonight, that was an unedited, unperfected blog post. Instead of worrying about a perfect format; a great flow; or a clearly defined opening, point, supporting points, and clever wrap-up, I just wrote. So this was my stream of consciousness tonight. Thank YOU for meeting me where I was at. And I hope someone somewhere was helped by this reminder that it is OK to do only what we feel ready for, to release the pressure and overwhelm, and connect to what’s true for ourselves.

Our epic run-in at the art crawl :)

Visit https://www.facebook.com/CoachKatelynLesk and http://beachbodycoach.com/katelynlesk for more info!

I would be honored to help you with your fitness journey :)  Here is a link to sign up for a free account with me as your coach: https://www.teambeachbody.com/signup/-/signup/free?referringRepId=183908. Or you can go to www.teambeachbody.com, sign up for a free account, and enter any of my info in when it asks if a coach referred you: screen name: KatelynLesk, coach ID: 183908

Disclaimer Copy: Katelyn Lesk is an Independent Beachbody Coach.

World of cooperation

I love Teal and I had SOOOO many specific takeaways from this particular blog post (link at the bottom) but the overriding theme is how much pain we cause ourselves by thinking things "should" or "need to be" a certain way. She uses the example of life after divorce and the impact on kids to show the difference between a state of ego and cultural conditioning dictating our behavior and attitudes versus being open to a state of cooperation.

I rebel against so many of the societal dictations of how we "should feel" because of the fear state and guilt and constriction it induces. It also blocks us from the perspective of being able to see the greater love-based picture that would ultimately lead to more cooperation and happiness for all those involved. Who cares if it's not the traditional outlook? From my perspective, there's a lot about the traditional outlook that isn't working- people feel stuck in miserable jobs, sub-par or loveless relationships, or generally feel unfulfilled to the point where they know in their gut that there has to be more. When that voice asks us, "isn't there something MORE to life?" we have to be WILLING to temporarily disallow what we've been trained into and open our eyes to other possibilities that are more aligned with our heart's true desires, however crazy they may seem to our cultrurally conditioned mind. We all have areas where we hold ourselves back. There is nothing wrong about this, we are all on our own journeys. But I absolutely BELIEVE we can evolve into a much more love-aligned world of cooperation rather than fear-based defensive protection of the self. We just have to take the initial steps of being BRAVE!!!! It can happen! We are already moving this way!! I can FEEL it!! And I have no doubt that if you pay careful attention, you can too :)

http://blog.thespiritualcatalyst.com/troth-to-transparency/

World peace day: make peace with OURSELVES

Yesterday was World Peace Day and it got me thinking about how we could apply this also to our health and well-being. The question from the official video (link at bottom of blog), “who will you make peace with?” triggered the immediate intuitive response inside of me saying, “ourselves.” How much of our day to day conflict is self-imposed? What can we do right in the here-and-now to create more peace in the world by making our OWN energy more peaceful? Here were some thoughts that came to mind:

The scale. That number has the power to elicit an emotional response in us. Why not try this week to make peace with whatever number shows up, reminding yourself that that number also contains the weight of your heart pumping your blood; the lungs breathing the oxygen you are currently inhaling; the weight of your eyes that allow you to see your child or a flower or a beautiful sunset; the weight of your arms that can embrace someone you love; the weight of your hands able to grasp another in a sign of respect, high-five a friend, or create beautiful works of art.

Food. So often we associate food with guilt or deprivation but it is something to be cherished for the nutrients it provides our body! This week, practice mindfulness with your food. There is a type of zen that comes with eating leafy greens or a juicy piece of fresh fruit :)

Workouts. This is not punishment. This is training your body to be more efficient and getting you to a healthier state! This is a chance to appreciate moving your body and all that it can do! Your body is in it’s highest glory when it is moving joyfully!!

Our bodies. How much are you appreciating your body and truly loving yourself? I wrote a blog on this recently to explain how much of a critical role this plays in our journey and progress:

http://katelynlesk.blogspot.com/2015/09/love-yourself-to-where-you-want-to-be.html

Work. Make peace with looking at how we get to SERVE. If you’re someone who desires to help people, you can do this no matter what your job is. Here are some ways I have trained myself to APPRECIATE what I GET to do rather than viewing it as a “should do” or a “have to do” dreaded obligation (this applies to workouts too):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJb-OAJSjE8&list=PLXiky4MOw2FjF0FZLuTXQeT__IwOADo3n&index=15

Other people. Sometimes this may be an apology or a conversation to work things out. Sometimes this may be setting boundaries or expectations. Sometimes it may be letting go of relationships that no longer serve us or being more intentional with who we spend our time around. It can also be making peace with other people in our own soul. If the other person is not ready or willing, a conversation or resolution may not be possible. But hanging on to resentment, uneasiness, unforgiveness, guilt, hard feelings, or general bad vibes does not serve us. It causes stress and reinforcement of the negative patterns and contributes to the overall negativity in the world. Working on forgiving the other person and ourselves for any wrongdoing, having compassion for how the other person might be feeling, recognizing that we don’t know their full story or what pain and fear might have been driving them to act the way they did, recognizing that any wrongdoing to us has nothing to do with us and everything to do with their pain, accepting and forgiving ourselves for any hurt we may have caused and learning from it moving forward, mentally releasing toxic energy, and sending love and blessings to that person can literally CHANGE YOUR LIFE!! We cannot control other people, but we do have power over our own thoughts, emotions, actions and reactions as well as the energy that surrounds the situation. Instead of feeding the situation onward with negative energy, let it resolve with your own peace and love about it. Say a prayer of gratitude for any tough situations like this, recognizing that even seemingly unwanted situations like this are all for our greater good, growth, and expansion.

Gratitude for the tough stuff: http://katelynlesk.blogspot.com/2015/09/gratitude-for-tough-stuff.html

Our time. Let’s make peace with time knowing we only have so much time in a day and be gentle with ourselves, doing what we can, surrendering to the universe what we can’t. Let’s ease our minds with the mantra: time expands, life is long.

Our life. This has a LOT to do with what I described in the video above: accepting what is and recognizing that the “wanted” stuff and the “unwanted” is all working for our greater good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsur7nrcsxc

Not to mention, we have a TON of things in our lives to be grateful for! No matter how bad things might be right now, I know you have at least SOME things to be grateful for! For example, right now, I know you have fresh air to breath, you woke up this morning, you have electricity and internet access, and you have at least one person who cares about you and your happiness and is rooting for you (me!). Start with those little things if that’s all you can muster! And build up to the AMAZING things that completely surround us with beauty and wonder in this world!!

How to create a gratitude practice:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xa0oqC1aCzw

Ourselves. What are you not forgiving yourself for? What resistance could you let go of? In what ways could you be a little more gentle with yourself? In what ways could you be a little more accepting of yourself, flaws and all? In what ways could you take a little more of a chance on yourself? We can at times be our own worst enemy and critic. Make the world a little more peaceful by starting with yourself!! In doing this, you also give others permission to the same!! How can you be a little more authentically YOU today??

World peace day official video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3_dl-yl74s

Focus on the things that work out better than anticipated!!

On any given day, there are at least a million things I could worry about. I am by no means perfect at not living in fear, but I have gotten a lot better. I did a pretty good job of not worrying about my career future when I knew my job at my old company was in jeopardy. Instead, I threw myself full-force into coaching on the side and I honestly couldn’t have imagined a better outcome in the end. I was sad to see my engineering job go but I find my coaching job absolutely so fulfilling and rewarding and love that I get to help people every single day. That really was an experience that taught me to trust the process, especially since there was no way I could have planned for or foreseen how beautifully things would have worked out (3 years ago I never even knew about this coaching opportunity)!!

I had a similar experience today with something on so much of a smaller scale that it was laughable but it really is a lesson we can apply to all things. I had to make a phone call about an order I recently placed. I was dreading this call because I thought they mischarged me for something and I was anticipating having to argue and negotiate to get my way. I was frustrated that THEY had made a mistake and *I* would have to waste my precious time correcting it. But I said a little prayer asking the universe for assistance with working this out and made the call determined to be super kind to the person on the other end knowing that we both could work together on this. Well as it turns out, not only was *I* in the wrong about it (they had absolutely charged me correctly), but they ended up waiving a shipping fee just to be extra courteous and I was super grateful! So not only was it faster and easier than I thought, it also had a way better outcome than I could have even anticipated!

I’ve learned over my past 30 years that most of the things we worry about never end up coming to fruition. Often things turn out even better or easier than expected. And occasionally, not-so-good things, some that we never saw coming end up happening, and we deal with those when the time comes. Fear can consume us if we let it. It helps me to remember that the universe has my back and is supporting me step by step. It helps to remember we always have help and support from those who care about us (especially if we’re not afraid to ask)! It helps remembering that some of these perceived “bad things” are some of our greatest learning tools of all. It helps to trust the process and do my best to live fearlessly knowing that things are always working for our greatest good. And of course it helps a TON remembering things like this that worked out better than I could have even foreseen! *FOCUS ON THE THINGS THAT WORK OUT BETTER THAN ANTICIPATED!!!* and **JUST TRUST** Easier said than done, I know, but we can all work on it :)

By far the scariest post I have ever written

Today I wrote a Facebook post about something that was INCREDIBLY hard for me to share. I was absolutely overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support in response. I never in a million years imagined myself sharing this (especially on this level) but a lot of what I have learned over the last couple years has really taught me to be open and to be as ME as I can be. I've also been blessed to have even more super authentic and caring people come into my life who have inspired me with their openness.  I wanted to pass that favor along :) The final push came from an interview I watched with Teal Swan ("A candid conversation with Teal Swan" with Stephanie Fleitas). She gave me the following reminders (loosely quoted from my notes from the video): there's absolutely no such thing as a secret in this universe; if you are trying to maintain a secret, you are wasting valuable energy; putting your secrets out there gives others permission to do the same; there is a huge freedom in that and it also ironically makes you feel safer; when you’re very open, people are tender with what you give them; the person who can be themselves the most when they walk into a room, that’s the person that holds the most energy. She also gave some empowering examples of how she has made it her own mission to put her story and what would normally be kept hidden out there as much as possible.

Other messages I’ve been receiving lately have been all about facing fears. While this is a message I’ve heard my whole life, this was in the context of how it applies to emotion. If we’re afraid of feeling a certain way (sadness, pain, discomfort, etc), often the best thing to do is just allow ourselves to feel that way and then realize it’s not as bad as we imagined or that at least we have nothing to fear now. That was very true for me. The fear of people finding out about my disorder was way worse than the disorder itself. No better way to shoot that down then to just face the worst, put it out there, and now have nothing to fear! If we desire freedom, the fastest way to get it is to walk right into the eye of the storm!!

I hope my story helps you deal with any of your own fears you may be trying to face!

Here is the post that I wrote:

*By far the scariest post I have ever written*

But written with a lot of love in the hopes that we can inspire a radical revolution of openness, authenticity, acceptance, and compassion.

I believe that we are moving towards a world where we can one day share all of the deepest darkest sides of ourselves and feel completely loved and accepted for it.

In my 2.5 years of being a coach, I’ve had the honor and pleasure of working with some of the strongest, most loving, compassionate, open people I know, both customers and coaches, and also others that I have formed even deeper relationships with just because my work naturally allows me the privilege of deep and authentic conversations with a lot of different people. What I’ve come to realize is that despite what our lives may look like on the outside, we ALL have our struggles within; something about ourselves we’re embarrassed about or ashamed of, a secret from our past, a bad childhood that we try to keep hidden, something that we are self-conscious of, anxieties, fears, sadness, you name it. Feeling like there is a part of ourselves that we need to keep hidden is the source of a lot of pain and problems in this world. All along we go about our lives not realizing that it may be possible that we can be loved unconditionally for WHO WE ARE, not what affects us. My problems may look drastically different than yours on the surface but can we not all relate on the common ground of feeling ashamed, not worthy, or not enough with something in our lives?

I take my role as a coach very seriously. I believe that I cannot inspire others to do what I am not doing myself. I believe that change starts with me and my example. I believe this is true for all of us but I also realize how “out there” my life is in the social media world because of my job as a coach and I REFUSE to ever let anyone feel like I don’t go through the same struggles as everyone else. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I value my life and all of the people in it. There is so much about my life that I love and appreciate. But just like anyone else, there is pain in my past and fear in my present. **Working towards a better future means building compassion and love NOW** at the heart of all that we do.

Two things that I believe at the CORE of my being:

1. OUR STRENGTH LIES IN OUR VULNERABILITY

2. CONNECTION LIES IN AUTHENTICITY

So here is another step along my path of being as open and honest as I can with all of you in the hopes that anyone reading this may in some way feel like they are not alone. I also do it for my own liberation. I truly believe that which we keep hidden destroys us; that which we bring to light saves us. I believe that in freeing ourselves, we are freeing the world.

What I would like to share with all of you is that I have a disorder that causes me to compulsively pull out my eyelashes and eyebrows. I’ve struggled with this since middle school and it has been a MASSIVE source of shame, guilt, and fear/paranoia in my life. You may be thinking this sounds really weird, or you may be struggling to understand why this is a big deal. This post is not about my specific issue, per say, but more about the *emotions* associated with it so that it can be relatable to whatever struggle you may be going through.

It took me a long time to understand this disorder myself and it is still something I don’t like about myself and is hard for me to accept. I am grateful for it for all of the compassion it has given me for anyone struggling through their own issues. Most people don’t realize I can relate as well as I can until I tell them this story. It was always something I was terrified of people noticing. The panic that rises internally if I think someone is looking at me in a way that is even close to noticing is indescribable. The source of a lot of my fears is that it’s not something that’s easy for me to explain so it’s not that I fear so much that people know (although I used to fear that; it took me a lot of years to stop caring about that part), but it is SUCH a hard thing for me to explain. They don’t just fall out, this is something that I do to myself. And it’s nearly impossible to explain to someone why it’s something I can’t “just stop”. This disorder used to be in the same category as OCD but I believe more recent research about the areas of the brain that this stems from have turned it into an “impulse-control disorder” classification similar to Tourettes. I’ve been to therapy for it. Sometimes that seems to help, sometimes not. I think it’s hard for people to understand that this isn’t just some “bad habit” like biting your nails, but an actual brain issue that I can’t help. Trust me, if I could “just stop”- I would! One of the big sources of shame that stems from it for me is that there are times when it seems to be easier to control than others. That sounds like a good thing, but in actuality, during the times when it’s impossible to control (because there are times when you literally canNOT control it), it makes me feel weak and like a failure and guilty. And on top of that, I then have physical damage and signs of my “weakness” that can last for months. It makes all social interactions harder because I have that underlying fear of “what if somebody notices”. I have become an expert at hiding it with makeup but I resent the fact that it takes about 4 times as long to do my makeup when I’m trying to cover this up. Travel and sleeping in the same room as somebody else makes it more likely that they will notice and therefore more difficult. There is always a sense of fear leading up to any trip related to this.

There have been times where people have noticed and asked me about it. Some of these interactions, especially in my younger years, still make me shudder to remember the conversations. I remember being in a group one time when I was young where the girls I was talking to were trying to force the issue. I remember being so red and flustered. I remember the raised eyebrows and the looks on their faces that communicated to me that they were super weirded out by what I was telling them. I don’t blame them; I may have reacted the same way if someone had told me something I couldn’t relate to or understand. In my adult life, the reactions I get from people who have noticed and asked me about it are typically really understanding, reassuring, and supportive. But honestly, even with the people who I know will love me unconditionally, there is this internal panic that rises up the instant it gets brought up. This is not saying that I don’t invite dialogue about it. I would much rather someone ask me questions and give me the opportunity to explain why I can’t help it rather than just silently thinking I’m weird or the whole thing is bizarre (honestly, I wouldn’t blame them- I think that too)! Once it’s out in the open, I’m usually ok. It’s just that initial conversation that terrifies me so I literally never bring it up. A lot of my closest friends and family don’t even know. My worst fear is being called out in front of a group. Not only is there the initial panic, but then the quick decision of, do I make up a lie or do I divulge my deepest darkest secret, the thing that I’m most scared/self-conscious about, to people I may not even know that well? With the people I am close with, it’s not that I care that they know, but how do I bring up something like this to people who have known me for years and have never known? That thought is SO uncomfortable to me.

I’ve gotten better at telling my story in more recent years, mainly because through coaching, I’ve had a lot of people that come to me and are very open about their own struggles such as eating disorders, compulsive overeating, OCD, anxiety, etc. It is easy for me to share when I know that my story will not only benefit them, but they will also understand. I even had an amazing conversation with a friend recently where we could totally relate to each other because my fears about this were very similar to how he feels when he feels like he’s being judged or “under the microscope” because of his sexual orientation. Not only was the conversation very insightful in so many ways but it was also reinforcement of how SO many people can relate, if not on the issue, but on the FEELINGS associated and it was added inspiration for me to want to share with all of you.

I’ve only shared this story from behind the safety of a computer screen and I have yet to be able to share this story in person openly without wanting to curl up into my 12-year-old panic-ridden self. I have often said that I wish people just knew so that I wouldn’t have to be afraid any more. And there is still enough ingrained fear in me associated with this to wonder if people will no longer view me as just katelyn, but as katelyn-with-this-new-stigma-attached. But this is me taking a stand against my fears. **When we face our worst fears, it can no longer damage us internally, control us, or have power over us.**

I do not at all want anyone to feel sorry for me. I want to bring light to the fact that we all have something that we feel makes us different or judged. I want us all to be able to openly explore life in all of its weirdness and glory!!!

No matter what you are going through, I hope you feel like you are not alone. At least one person in the world (and probably way more than we realize or allow ourselves to believe) understands and accepts and loves you just the way you are.

Thank you for reading and I hope this benefited you in some way.

My wish for us all:

May we all learn to be more of ourselves.

May we all learn to love and accept ALL of ourselves.

May we learn to allow and accept all of the the “wanted” and “unwanted” aspects of ourselves and our lives and mold it into a perfect creation of our destiny. May we be at peace with the world by seeing all things as a gift.

May we feel safe and supported, loved and connected.

May we feel open to be our true, authentic selves.

May we give permission for others to do the same through our own openness and compassion and acceptance towards all.

May we live our lives in our own truth.

May we live fearlessly!

I love you all.

Katelyn

Disclaimer Copy: Katelyn Lesk is an Independent Beachbody Coach.

Some of my philosophies as a coach (and a person)

Some of my philosophies as a coach (and a person):

1. For well-being: slow and steady long-term, sustainable lifestyle changes in relation to health, how we move our bodies, our thoughts, what we're grateful for, our awareness. Be in a state of allowing. Be gentle on ourselves. Practice self-love and acceptance.

2. I take a low-pressure approach to my coaching. I ALWAYS want to be able to help anyone I can in even the smallest ways. Not that you aren't capable of change yourself, but it's always easier with support (and more fun!). I don't want anyone to ever feel afraid to talk to me or worry that I'm going to "push" something on them (and if I ever come across that way, feel free to yell at me!). While I do get excited, I never want to push you (or anyone) into anything that is not in alignment with your current needs or wants or that you're not ready for. The focus should always be on improvement, one step at a time

3. My main goal is to leave everyone I come in contact with better in some way and to use every experience to better myself and to raise my level of awareness and compassion. We create our best life by taking what we perceive as "good" and "wanted" as well as the circumstances that come into our life that we perceive as "bad" and "unwanted" and using it all for our greater good and the good of those around us. So in my mind, doing things to help myself and those around me feel refreshed, lighter, more connected to their joy, more aligneed with their true selves (and do the same for myself) is all I really care about. *Connection. *Authenticity. *Alignment. *Support. That's what it's all about. Raising the consciousness of the world with our own thoughts, actions, and energy.

Break the rules. Be fearless. Live your authentic truth. Be your authentic self.

Disclaimer Copy: Katelyn Lesk is an Independent Beachbody Coach.