I woke up this morning with a surprisingly high level of anxiety with no apparent cause. I've had my fair share of stressors lately, as we all do, but nothing abnormally out of the blue. There's a lot of things I could try to blame this on or try to work through in an effort to "rid" myself of it. I tried to just sit with it and let it pass, which I like doing, but I was having trouble shutting my brain off so as not to attach meaning to it (which of course keeps it stuck there). But then I came to the realization that I always eventually do... the one that is always able to bring me some peace no matter what I'm feeling. I CHOOSE to feel. I WANT to feel. I want to feel life in all it's "good" and "bad" glory. I'll take pain and sadness if I know it means it also brings me love, bliss, and joy. I KNOW how much I learn and expand in those emotions that we deem "bad" or "negative". I APPRECIATE sadness knowing that I allowed myself to really care about something or someone. I APPRECIATE anxiety for it teaches me to course-correct to paths that are more aligned with my truth and needs and it teaches me to build my faith so as to be able to feel peace. I APPRECIATE any negative emotions that allow the good ones to feel even better. I will ALWAYS be someone who wants to feel. I know I would have picked this coming into this life. I have never wanted to go through life numb... I want to feel ALIVE! I want to experience life and emotions in all of their forms! I want to know fear, sadness, and pain so I can know love, bliss, and excitement! I believe THAT's what we're here for- to FEEL! To experience! That doesn't mean there's a right or wrong way to this life, but it does mean that I ACCEPT MYSELF as I am. I believe that joy, bliss, excitement, and love can only be felt FULLY when our walls are completely obliterated! I am WILLING to lovingly feel fear, anxiety, anger, jealousy, sadness, pain, or anything else that wants to come up because I REFUSE to have walls up to ANYTHING! And I am learning to believe that ALL of these feelings have their own raw beauty to them. There is love and joy that can be found in all of them. A humanness. I believe suffering happens when we are in resistance to those feelings, or at least that is what my experience has taught me. I now find excitement when these emotions come up- the ones I used to resist- because I know it means I am learning, growing, releasing, or expanding in some way that leads to more good in my life and experience. As for the walls, I will have none. I am just me. And I am completely, totally, inspiringly ok with that. MORE than ok with that. I am in love with that. Bring it on!! I am ready for you, life, in all your glory and experience! I love life and I am willing to love it all!!!
This picture is from a calendar that my incredible friend, Alisa, made for me. The quote seemed especially appropriate and empowering today :)
This is my current workspace right now. I've been crunching through some serious work over the last couple days and a big chunk of that has been organizing and backing up computer files (I'm super OCD about this stuff, so naturally all files get backed up to DVD, external hard drive, and the original memory card as you can see by the piles on the floor). A lot of focused work time at the computer means MAJOR need for breaks to get the blood flowing and give my eyes a rest! SO... the solution is to leave Beachbody on Demand loaded on my other computer with 10 Minute Trainer ready to go. My room is small so I basically just turn around in my desk chair any time I need a break or while I'm waiting for files to copy, throw on my shoes, and hit play! Despite majority of my floor space being currently taken up by DVDs and other filing/organizational tools, I've been able to manage! 10 Minute Trainer workouts do not actually require much workout space.
It's been a good, quick way to get up and move AND the workouts are tough so they definitely add up! A few of these and man, I've got my workout in for the day!! So if you like efficiency and taking advantage of those small chunks of time throughout the day, this might be right up your alley. Either way, getting up and moving while doing long stretches of computer work makes me feel a LOT better! At my old job, I used to take breaks from my desk by running the stairs in our office building but I don't have stairs at my apartment-- this is definitely the fix for that!! #whatevergetsthejobdone
Yesterday, not even sure of what triggered it, I got a huge craving to order some food. I think the busyness of the Halloween weekend put me in the mood to just stay put yesterday and some comfort food seemed in order. I knew deep down this was not a good idea- my digestive system has been off a little lately, I’ve been eating at restaurants a lot as-is, and quite frankly, I don’t even like the term “comfort food” because I associate it with some sort of weakness to be turning to anything outside of myself for comfort. But see? That’s exactly where the problem is. The fact that somewhere deep within me, I believe it’s “bad” to not be able to make myself feel better. Do we ever even stop to recognize how much pressure we all put on ourselves these days? I’m great at delegating work, I’m great at saying no to plans, I’m great at setting boundaries with my time, and yet still, somewhere in me is this need to figure it all out… to get it all right… and to do it now. I know I’m capable of whatever I set my mind to and yet when I see something I can improve or make better, I want to make that happen immediately. I do not consider myself a perfectionist- I think I’m pretty good at discerning what tasks need to be done with excellence and when it’s better to settle for “good enough”. But when it comes to my own internal state, I passionately seek improvement. And for as much as I feel I have a good perspective when it comes to work and the limits I put on it, there is still always a pressure I put on myself to accomplish the huge amount of things that are hanging over my head (I am definitely guilty sometimes of the “once I get that done, then I’ll be happy” mentality).
Anyways, how does this relate to food? I think we are ALL plagued by the pressures and demands on our time and energy (often self-inflicted). Even if I’ve gotten better at saying no to things or letting things go that just aren’t as important, it can still be exhausting to make those decisions all day long. I never *like* saying no to plans with a friend I care about, I don’t *like* having to throw in the towel about organizing the files on my old laptop even though they just aren’t that important anymore, and I don’t *like* putting extra work on someone else even if I truly can’t handle it all. In this modern age of go-go-go or say no-no-no, there is not a whole lot of emotional energy left by the end of the day to put towards the habit change we are trying to make. We’ve all done it- how many times have we said, “I’ve got to work on my eating habits,” “I’ve got to stop spending so much money,” “I need to get back in my exercise routine,” “or my old college favorite: “I’m never drinking again.” Haha. There’s plenty of things that we do because it feels good in the moment but doesn’t feel so great after. Sometimes it’s just a matter of recognizing the benefits we DO get out of it. For example, I eat at restaurants a LOT but I appreciate the social aspect of seeing friends regularly and taking advantage of all the cool new stuff this city has to offer. Sometimes, I recognize that I need to throttle it back, and I do. Sometimes it’s a matter of taking a step back and SEEING the bigger picture- where am I feeling tapped-out? And what can I do right now to begin to make that better?
World pressure:
For as much as I talk about the demands the world puts on us, I certainly don’t think it’s helpful to go into a victim mentality of feeling like it’s us against the world. It’s also the same world that offers us a limitless amount of incredible opportunities, wonderful people and connections, and beauty all around. It’s not the world’s fault- the world is just offering up a variety of stuff saying, “here you go! take it or leave it!” It is our job to remember that we have a choice of how we process, react to, and incorporate these constant stimuli. Not all of these pressures, or even the things we consider to be urgent and important, are truly life-or-death matters. Sometimes even recognizing that helps to take the pressure off and allow us to APPRECIATE all that we GET to do each day. I’m a huge fan of having a regular gratitude practice. I put links to several youtube videos I made at the bottom of this blog- feel free to watch if you’d like to know more about my own story and how I apply gratitude to each area of my life (including work, workouts, and the tough emotional stuff in life)!
Self pressure and limiting beliefs:
I think another reason it can be so disappointing when we feel like we’ve “fallen backwards” is the MEANING we bring to it. Think about it. Would splurging on a junk food meal be so guilt-inducing if we KNEW we would never do it again? Of course not! But instead, we tell ourselves things like, “I’ll never overcome this pattern,” “Why do I always do this to myself?” “I just can’t stop.” And we use it to reinforce every limiting belief that it will ALWAYS be this way, we will always carry the extra weight, be in debt, succumb to addictions, or whatever it is that we’re dealing with. “Always” is a harsh word. Sure, I still have patterns that I fall into and I still get disappointed when I do, but I have made a HUGE amount of progress in the last couple years. My whole outlook on life has become radically more aware. I feel more alive than ever. I do have a ton of healthy habits in place. And I seek improvement (mostly) from a place of self-love as opposed to shame, guilt, or self-hate (I wrote up some strategies about the emotional side of that here http://katelynlesk.blogspot.com/2015/09/love-yourself-to-where-you-want-to-be.html). We ARE making progress. It’s just in those moments when we’ve taken a step back that the sneaky fear voice is the loudest. Shut that sucker up and move on! (more on how to do that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Seg1IcDr9M).
How to deal with it all:
If I have one mission in life, it’s to help each person I work with see where their fears, stresses, pressures, doubts, and blocks are and to slowly but surely replace those with love. This is something I am CONSTANTLY working on with myself as well. It all starts with awareness and then perspective.
It’s important to remember we are exactly where we need to be. Every choice we made, we needed. We know this simply because we made them. We may know better now, but then, we needed it for a reason. Even seemingly “bad” choices are for our greater good. They are beacons to point out certain things in life. Discovering what we don’t want sends a rocket of desire to that which we DO want and motivates us to work towards it. It illuminates the path. Yes, my Thai food is illuminating the path to enlightenment :) Don’t you wish you would have gotten take-out now too? ;)
So for today I will eat my leftovers guilt-free (from Smiling Banana Leaf, by the way- if I was going to order Thai, at least I did it right) and use it as an opportunity to take a step back and see where I’m putting too much pressure on myself, where I am taking life too seriously, and where I can take back some of my power and rediscover my inner goddess :) And if I can help someone else discover their inner power along the way, then it was definitely worth the mild heartburn and stomach fullness :)
Don’t forget to remind yourself of your AWESOMENESS regardless of ANYTHING else!!!!!! I love you and I’m rooting for you!!!!
Gratitude, staying present, and first world problems
This has been a BIG message for me lately and one that’s been coming up a lot with my coaches and clients.
I've learned over the past few years that there is a clear distinction for me between times when I feel "in the flow" and times when I don't. I've also learned that life *in the flow* is WAY better and fun and free. When I'm in the flow, I feel connected to my purpose and my higher self, I feel grateful that I get to serve, I feel energized and excited, and I feel like majority of my energy and intention is connected to a greater purpose.
The good news is that I've been able to identify the little shifts that can get me back in the flow at times when I'm not feeling it so much. When it comes to my health and energy, adding some extra greens and doing SOMETHING everyday to move my body is all it takes to start to get me back in the flow. When there is stress I'm dealing with, even 5 minutes a day of journaling my thoughts can help me shift. I detailed more of these tips during a huge phase of overwhelm during the holidays last year: http://katelynlesk.blogspot.com/2014/12/holiday-stress-and-overwhelm.html. When it comes to my Beachbody business, I know if I'm running challenge groups and helping people regularly in terms of dealing with any stress or struggles they may be facing and helping them make baby steps to get them back on the right track, I feel REALLY good no matter what else is going on in my business. In terms of my general life purpose, if I'm writing and creating content that feels like it may be helping even just one person out there, then that makes me happy. In terms of relationships, if I'm surrounding myself with people that lift me up and challenge me in expansive ways and raise my energy, we're good there. I make sure I have business and accountability partners for support to help keep me on track! For example, this summer I partnered up with my friend, Meredith, who is also in the wellness industry. We meet once a week for *inspire sessions* to help each other brainstorm for future goals. I am super grateful for her partnership and ideas and working relationship!
I also recently wrote about making peace with ourselves and the things we deal with regularly, including our exercise and work. It’s hard to be in the flow if we’re letting things like this overwhelm or frustrate us! Turning “should dos” into “get to dos” makes a big difference in getting back into the flow! I describe some easy shifts to do this here: http://katelynlesk.blogspot.com/2015/09/world-peace-day-make-peace-with.html.
It's been a BUSY couple of weeks but I have never felt better! It's one of those days where I'm truly feeling like the sky is the limit! And the ceiling at the Beehive is matching my attitude ;)
So I'm curious- how much attention do you pay to those times where you feel in the flow? Is it something you consciously have to pay attention to and work towards? What things set your soul on fire and make you feel most in the flow??
I was talking to a super sweet friend of mine yesterday who is looking to make some healthy changes in her life. A lot of what she was saying she struggles with is exactly where I was just a few short years ago. I’ve shared a lot of before and after pics of programs I’ve done but I don’t think I’ve ever done a big picture comparison between what my life was like 3 years ago and what it’s like now. Throwback Thursday seemed like the perfect occasion! :) It’s been a series of slow, steady, SUSTAINABLE lifestyle changes. A few steps forward, a step back. My healthy habits are not perfect or 100% foolproof but I’ve come along way and I’m very proud of that. My health has always been important to me, but the biggest difference between then and now is that my day to day decisions now are actually aligning with that. Even accounting for the imperfections, occasional missed workouts or overindulgences, or times when I’m off track, the big picture is is a healthy and happy one :) And I FEEL aligned with where and who I want to be.
So in honor of throwback Thursday (and my awesome friend and our great conversation), I thought I’d post some pictures of me from back in 2009-2012ish when I was at my highest weight. I never stressed too much about my weight but I DID feel badly that I wasn’t making time to workout. I felt badly that I was putting some not-so-great things in my body (eating poorly and drinking frequently). I didn’t feel physically at my best either- I was tired frequently, bloated, sluggish. I often felt uncomfortable in clothes- like LITERALLY I could feel pants that I used to wear with no problem now digging into my waist when I sat down (and I’d have to yank them up when I stood up). I switched to flowy shirts and often tried to cover my stomach. I enjoyed running but I could feel soreness way more easily, especially tightness in my knees, because of the extra weight I was carrying and my legs felt like logs. I came down with colds or sore throats multiple times each year. In general, it made it hard to be fully engaged in loving life...
Fast forward to the summer of 2012 when I discovered Beachbody programs. I now had an actual PLAN for my workouts, I learned about strength training through Chalean Extreme, I started eating MUCH cleaner, I started drinking Shakeology daily (which PACKED my system with the nutrients I needed), and I had an AWESOME Facebook-based online accountability group of other women working towards the same goals. I fell in love with it and decided to become a coach. I was far from where I am now, but being a coach and taking others on this journey with me forced me to stay engaged. We had FUN experimenting with recipes, finding ways to motivate ourselves, and encouraging each other to stick with it. I always tell my clients that I rely on THEM as much as they rely on me! Now I have a whole team of coaches to keep me going strong!!
Now I have so much more energy, muscle tone that I had never had in my life, a HUGE tool chest of tips and tricks to stay motivated, and AWESOME support from my clients and fellow coaches. I haven’t been sick ONCE in over 3 years, I feel super fit and strong, I love the way my clothes fit, I feel lean and healthy, and I’m EXCITED ABOUT LIFE!
It’s not about being perfect or reaching some arbitrary “ideal weight” at ALL. My weight still fluctuates and I still have times when I get off track (like this summer, for example). But the difference is, the times that I’m off track are much shorter and much less “severe” haha. I KNOW how to get back on track and I can get back on track easily and quickly with the help and support of my Beachbody friends. I am mindful of what I eat. I keep my health as my main priority and I make sure my choices align with that. I look for other ways to take care of myself like doing my best to keep stress low. I have found ways to LOVE working out! Healthy cooking is my form of zen :) I’ve made it a LIFESTYLE. It wasn’t overnight. It did take work. But I PROMISE YOU, it’s WORTH IT!!!
I would be honored to help you with your fitness journey :) Here is a link to sign up for a free account with me as your coach: https://www.teambeachbody.com/signup/-/signup/free?referringRepId=183908. Or you can go to www.teambeachbody.com, sign up for a free account, and enter any of my info in when it asks if a coach referred you: screen name: KatelynLesk, coach ID: 183908
Disclaimer Copy: Katelyn Lesk is an Independent Beachbody Coach.
I get a lot of incredibly sweet comments and messages about how positive I am and my outlook on life, and while I absolutely appreciate those messages and do my best to see the brighter side of life and the best in other people, I also intend to be fully real with you guys when life gets tough in the hopes that if you can relate to this, that you don't feel alone and that you perhaps you may also be able to find comfort in what helps me.
Let me start by saying that I can be very laid back and light about most things, but I can also be very high-strung/high anxiety about other things. I can immediately tell when I'm stressed/anxious/down about anything that that starts coming out in 2 ways: 1. I worry more about things that don't normally bother me (finances, for example) and have a more lack-focused mentality than I normally do; and 2. my sleep is either very restless or I start having crazy, stressful nightmares or incredibly emotionally-draining dreams. The past week or so, my dreams have been absolutely insane to the point that I wonder how my brain even conjured up such horrible dreams/thoughts. Or like last night, I spent the whole night dreaming about horrible emotional situations to the point where I've had to spend a good chunk of my morning so far processing and dealing with the residual stress of it.
So for the first issue (lack mentality, other surface fears), my strategy is to go into what's bothering me (it also helps to remember that these fears and worries aren't REAL, it's just stress making itself heard in whatever way it can). If I just push it away, it keeps nagging me with either lack-based thoughts or just a chronic low-level anxiety and icky feeling. I need to sit down and journal to get to the root of what's bothering me. I KNOW we are busy people, but TRUST ME, it is worth the 5 minute time investment to deal with the problem so that you can move on with your day in a much more effective way (not to mention that YOU and your emotional health are WORTH IT)!! I created this method I call a "fear-crusher list" a long time ago for my beachbody customers and coaches. It's a technique that I use for everything and helps me a TON:
As for dreams and emotional stress, this excerpt from Teal Swan's, "The Sculptor in the Sky" ALWAYS makes me feel better. I've re-read it a couple times this morning already :)
So no matter what you are going through, whether that be big emotional tough stuff or just the day-to-day stress of life, remember that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Sending you all HUGE HUGS today!!
Dr. Christiane Northrup spoke recently about the energetic recognition that a flower is desiring us as much as we are desiring it. Eckhart Tolle in "A New Earth" speaks about flowers as an expression in form of that which is most high, most sacred, and ultimately formless in ourselves. Feelings of love and joy are intrinsically interconnected with the recognition of beauty.
I'm not sure I can fully comprehend the power of those statements but I do know that being in nature, experiencing beauty and appreciation, and feeling a sense of awe and gratitude makes me feel more easily connected than anything else to the energy of the universe.
I woke up this morning with a surprisingly high level of anxiety with no apparent cause. I've had my fair share of stressors lately, as we all do, but nothing abnormally out of the blue. There's a lot of things I could try to blame this on or try to work through in an effort to "rid" myself of it. I tried to just sit with it and let it pass, which I like doing, but I was having trouble shutting my brain off so as not to attach meaning to it (which of course keeps it stuck there). But then I came to the realization that I always eventually do... the one that is always able to bring me some peace no matter what I'm feeling. I CHOOSE to feel. I WANT to feel. I want to feel life in all it's "good" and "bad" glory. I'll take pain and sadness if I know it means it also brings me love, bliss, and joy. I KNOW how much I learn and expand in those emotions that we deem "bad" or "negative". I APPRECIATE sadness knowing that I allowed myself to really care about something or someone. I APPRECIATE anxiety for it teaches me to course-correct to paths that are more aligned with my truth and needs and it teaches me to build my faith so as to be able to feel peace. I APPRECIATE any negative emotions that allow the good ones to feel even better. I will ALWAYS be someone who wants to feel. I know I would have picked this coming into this life. I have never wanted to go through life numb... I want to feel ALIVE! I want to experience life and emotions in all of their forms! I want to know fear, sadness, and pain so I can know love, bliss, and excitement! I believe THAT's what we're here for- to FEEL! To experience! That doesn't mean there's a right or wrong way to this life, but it does mean that I ACCEPT MYSELF as I am. I believe that joy, bliss, excitement, and love can only be felt FULLY when our walls are completely obliterated! I am WILLING to lovingly feel fear, anxiety, anger, jealousy, sadness, pain, or anything else that wants to come up because I REFUSE to have walls up to ANYTHING! And I am learning to believe that ALL of these feelings have their own raw beauty to them. There is love and joy that can be found in all of them. A humanness. I believe suffering happens when we are in resistance to those feelings, or at least that is what my experience has taught me. I now find excitement when these emotions come up- the ones I used to resist- because I know it means I am learning, growing, releasing, or expanding in some way that leads to more good in my life and experience. As for the walls, I will have none. I am just me. And I am completely, totally, inspiringly ok with that. MORE than ok with that. I am in love with that. Bring it on!! I am ready for you, life, in all your glory and experience! I love life and I am willing to love it all!!!
