I woke up this morning with a surprisingly high level of anxiety with no apparent cause. I've had my fair share of stressors lately, as we all do, but nothing abnormally out of the blue. There's a lot of things I could try to blame this on or try to work through in an effort to "rid" myself of it. I tried to just sit with it and let it pass, which I like doing, but I was having trouble shutting my brain off so as not to attach meaning to it (which of course keeps it stuck there). But then I came to the realization that I always eventually do... the one that is always able to bring me some peace no matter what I'm feeling. I CHOOSE to feel. I WANT to feel. I want to feel life in all it's "good" and "bad" glory. I'll take pain and sadness if I know it means it also brings me love, bliss, and joy. I KNOW how much I learn and expand in those emotions that we deem "bad" or "negative". I APPRECIATE sadness knowing that I allowed myself to really care about something or someone. I APPRECIATE anxiety for it teaches me to course-correct to paths that are more aligned with my truth and needs and it teaches me to build my faith so as to be able to feel peace. I APPRECIATE any negative emotions that allow the good ones to feel even better. I will ALWAYS be someone who wants to feel. I know I would have picked this coming into this life. I have never wanted to go through life numb... I want to feel ALIVE! I want to experience life and emotions in all of their forms! I want to know fear, sadness, and pain so I can know love, bliss, and excitement! I believe THAT's what we're here for- to FEEL! To experience! That doesn't mean there's a right or wrong way to this life, but it does mean that I ACCEPT MYSELF as I am. I believe that joy, bliss, excitement, and love can only be felt FULLY when our walls are completely obliterated! I am WILLING to lovingly feel fear, anxiety, anger, jealousy, sadness, pain, or anything else that wants to come up because I REFUSE to have walls up to ANYTHING! And I am learning to believe that ALL of these feelings have their own raw beauty to them. There is love and joy that can be found in all of them. A humanness. I believe suffering happens when we are in resistance to those feelings, or at least that is what my experience has taught me. I now find excitement when these emotions come up- the ones I used to resist- because I know it means I am learning, growing, releasing, or expanding in some way that leads to more good in my life and experience. As for the walls, I will have none. I am just me. And I am completely, totally, inspiringly ok with that. MORE than ok with that. I am in love with that. Bring it on!! I am ready for you, life, in all your glory and experience! I love life and I am willing to love it all!!!
This picture is from a calendar that my incredible friend, Alisa, made for me. The quote seemed especially appropriate and empowering today :)
No comments:
Post a Comment