Kindness during the intense holiday season!

A message about kindness for others (and for ourselves!) at this time of year:

Recently I was listening to Doreen Virtue who pointed out that this time of year can be one of great joy and of great grief; memories of past holidays, loved ones who have passed away, and the “what ifs” of life all come into play. When she shared this, my initial reaction was to feel relief and validation. While there’s so much I enjoy about the holidays and being with the people I love, I definitely find the sentimentality of the holidays to be bittersweet. It’s hard not to get caught in past memories, or thinking about people who are no longer in our lives, or to grasp onto the way things are now resisting the inevitable changes in holidays in the future as people pass on, families change, and celebrations ebb and flow. There are also plenty of other pressures on us at this time of year that might include financial strain, family tensions, relationship pain, time demands, more things filling our already never-ending to-do lists, stress about food and what treats to indulge in or refrain from, and other triggers. My sister pointed out at Thanksgiving that despite being positive on facebook, I often get cranky with my family. My own family! The people I care most about! We sometimes let our comfort levels with people win out in a way that masks our appreciation for them.

So this Christmas, I’m going to do my best to stay present. To show appreciation for those around me. To be grateful for what’s going on around me no matter how I think things “should be”. I’m going to do my best to release any judgements I hold for others and for myself and instead focus on the unique value that each person offers. I’m going to take some time to get curious in conversations and ask some of the deeper questions to each person I encounter. Rather than “what’s new?” how about, “what do you think was the best thing that happened to you this year?” “what was your biggest lesson this year?” “what most inspires you right now?” I’m not going to feel badly for whatever emotions decide to come up during this intense time. And I’m going to be gentle and patient with others knowing that we never know what somebody might be going through. Have you ever missed a best friend? I have. I think most people have at some point in their lives really missed someone they care deeply about. When someone cuts me off in traffic or gets snappy in the grocery line, I tell myself that they might be missing a best friend, the person who most understood them in the world. At the root of it, we all just want to feel heard and understood and enough and loved. So let’s do our best to really LISTEN to each other, to try to UNDERSTAND, to VALIDATE and SUPPORT each other, and to show LOVE to one another.

Sending TONS of love and hugs to all of you!! Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and let’s finish out 2015 in amazing ways!!